ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY SEVEN
there's always a reason why people want to drink and get drunk. there are so many different kind of reasons:
1. i just want to get drunk and know how it feels like.
2. fuck my life, my family and school, i want to drink.
3. screw you, you cant control me!
4. troubles.
5. drinking rules, and it makes you forget about things.
and i drank during the chalet, desperately wanting to get drunk and forget about everything. during the whole time of the chalet, i was thinking about you. really thinking about everything that happened, and i'm sorry baby. i cried the hell out of myself. i need you so badly without me, myself knowing it. i just need you to be in my life. i dont want anybody to walk into my life and just walk out. cause i know that somewhat or rather, you will always have a place in my heart. and no one can replace that place you have in my heart. where are you? 6 more days, its your birthday, am i suppose to wish you? when i was tipsy and totally feel like wasting myself, i wanted to send you a text, just to let you know that i love you baby. just to let you know that it has been months, but i still love you. it aint that easy and i hate it for being like that. tell me why, but being with you, makes me feel so comfortable. still remembering the time we got together, you took up the challenge of wanting to make me forget about him. and you did, you replace him in being the most important person. but then soon after you left. so now, tell me what am i suppose to do. i still want to drink and get wasted. like totally drunk. no matter how much i want to say that i love my family so much, it stinks the fuck out of everything. my sister smokes, she drinks, but i think she is the most awesome sister i ever had. and i love her alot. my parents know nothing about my friends. and i dont know whether i should be happy or sad about it? they seem to care and be worried about my sister more than me. its assuring that they trust me, but hey, i still need the concern. they dont know anything that i do outside, they dont know what kind of friends i have. i got so many friends from so many places, yet everytime i tell them that i go out, i cant even bother to explain, cause they wont even know. so why bother. really, why bother? tell me again, how long does it takes for me to breakdown and quit this kind of double life that i'm leading. i'm a person when i get home, i'm another one when i go out. so freaking different. cause there are so many things that i'm hiding that no one knows. not even my sister. so hell with it. i'm so tired. officially tired. and still, i just want you here by my side, baby.
OKP, i hope you're really alright. i'm so worried. i hope you have past your moody days alright. take care and please do know that i'm still here for you. and i hope that i have a place in your heart too. even if it's at a small top right hand corner of your heart. its good enough for me to know that at least i occupy a tiny winy space in that big heart of yours. ¶ 1:57 AM
1. i just want to get drunk and know how it feels like.
2. fuck my life, my family and school, i want to drink.
3. screw you, you cant control me!
4. troubles.
5. drinking rules, and it makes you forget about things.
and i drank during the chalet, desperately wanting to get drunk and forget about everything. during the whole time of the chalet, i was thinking about you. really thinking about everything that happened, and i'm sorry baby. i cried the hell out of myself. i need you so badly without me, myself knowing it. i just need you to be in my life. i dont want anybody to walk into my life and just walk out. cause i know that somewhat or rather, you will always have a place in my heart. and no one can replace that place you have in my heart. where are you? 6 more days, its your birthday, am i suppose to wish you? when i was tipsy and totally feel like wasting myself, i wanted to send you a text, just to let you know that i love you baby. just to let you know that it has been months, but i still love you. it aint that easy and i hate it for being like that. tell me why, but being with you, makes me feel so comfortable. still remembering the time we got together, you took up the challenge of wanting to make me forget about him. and you did, you replace him in being the most important person. but then soon after you left. so now, tell me what am i suppose to do. i still want to drink and get wasted. like totally drunk. no matter how much i want to say that i love my family so much, it stinks the fuck out of everything. my sister smokes, she drinks, but i think she is the most awesome sister i ever had. and i love her alot. my parents know nothing about my friends. and i dont know whether i should be happy or sad about it? they seem to care and be worried about my sister more than me. its assuring that they trust me, but hey, i still need the concern. they dont know anything that i do outside, they dont know what kind of friends i have. i got so many friends from so many places, yet everytime i tell them that i go out, i cant even bother to explain, cause they wont even know. so why bother. really, why bother? tell me again, how long does it takes for me to breakdown and quit this kind of double life that i'm leading. i'm a person when i get home, i'm another one when i go out. so freaking different. cause there are so many things that i'm hiding that no one knows. not even my sister. so hell with it. i'm so tired. officially tired. and still, i just want you here by my side, baby.
OKP, i hope you're really alright. i'm so worried. i hope you have past your moody days alright. take care and please do know that i'm still here for you. and i hope that i have a place in your heart too. even if it's at a small top right hand corner of your heart. its good enough for me to know that at least i occupy a tiny winy space in that big heart of yours. ¶ 1:57 AM
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