HUNDRED AND EIGHTY ONE as i board the bus, i never know what would happen next. and today, i saw you. you looked at me and we exchange glances, our eyes met. but all i could do was to just turn away, cause i did not know what to say. the entire journey, i was controlling myself, i told myself i couldnt cry. as i look at you from the back, all i could think in my head was, i should not have let you go. cause in my eyes, you still look as perfect as ever. you still look like the guy i fell in love with. the guy i love was still there. what's going on with your life now? once you alighted the bus, my heart fell, my tears drop. all i could do was to control, not blink and dont allow anymore tears to drop. i walk home crying non-stop. i continue crying for another hour. and i wonder what i was crying about. i have not been this close to you for such a long time, to even feel your prescene around me. if you could, answer me - how did you feel when you saw me? what was actually going through your mind. cause in my mind, what went through over and over and over again was : 'sherrin pok, you're the biggest fool to ever let him go.' i wanted to hug you and call out to you so badly. when the bus left and passed you, i told myself not to turn around. not to even looked at you. cause this bus ride, made me miss the past. the past of how we would return home together after school. and that was exactly what i would do, look back at you and mouth the last sentence of the day i had to you: i love you baby. and now, there's nothing i could do but to just cry each time i see you. when our eyes met, when we exchange glances, half my heart died, , my heart stopped beating for a minute and i wanted time to froze there so that i could see you a little longer. i dont know if this would end, its not like i saw you with another girl. its not like there was anything that you did that could make me cry. but i just miss you baby. i miss having you around me. i miss how you would act like a big egoistic man, and tell me that with you, everything will be alright. and even if the sky would to fall, you would be there to protect me. to be there, to never leave. to hold my hand and tell me that you never want to let it go.  ¶ 9:02 PM